"Role Models" and "Ending" Bullying

The Super Bowl is coming up soon and ever since I started working for the theater I've been thankful for the excuse of "I have to work that day" when people ask me if I saw something specific. But as I mentioned in my recent marching band post, I don't care much for football. Of course I'm in the minority here. But I'm not going to talk about that again.

A few weeks ago Seahawks defensive back Richard Sherman gave a rather aggressive interview after his team won the game (I don't know what game it was, I don't care. What's a football?). It was deemed by many people to be unsportsmanlike and just plain rude. Of course I had no idea who this was, but I was filled in by the kitchen crew at my restaurant. They were listening to a sports talk radio program, where a table full of sports writers argued about the interview (separate issue: people get PAID to talk about sports).

Sherman's interview.

 One writer made the point that Sherman is a role model to kids, whether or not he wants to be, and comments like that wouldn't do much to benefit kids and help them to "end bullying".

For one thing, I don't think it's smart to have a football player be a role model to anybody. Many players aren't very good students, a lot of them have multiple girlfriends, they make a career by slamming themselves into other people, and most of them stop working before age 30. I never understood the logic of making them seem like heroes. It is because they're bigger than us?

Before the sports lovers make this argument, allow me: the same is true for pop stars. Take Justin Bieber and his recent DUI. Everyone lost their minds when this 19 year old singer was caught driving drunk. It would be mildly scandalous if any 19 year old was driving drunk, but this boy is supposed to be a role model so the world flipped their lid.

Bieber's mug shot. I'll admit, smiling was a weird choice.

But think of the lives these people are living. Take Bieber: he's insanely famous and he'll probably be for the rest of his life, and he's not even twenty. He is loved by young girls all over the country, which has probably got to be annoying on some level even for him. People who own stadiums and concert halls want him to make tons of money. Advertisers know their sales will skyrocket if he endorses it. Everyone wants a piece of him and will do anything to get him. Imagine what kinds of things are getting shoved in his face: booze, drugs, women (did you see Wolf of Wall Street?) His life has to have an insane amount of pressure in it and he probably doesn't know how to deal with it.

Now I'm not totally defending him, driving drunk is incredibly stupid no matter who you are. But it's pitiful, the lives these people live are so outrageous and simply by living them they are given so many expectations. Sure he might have brought some stuff on himself with his "badass gangster" image he tries to project (or whatever he does, I really don't know what the appeal is) but overall who knows? He could be deeply unhappy with himself.

"Oh the poor millionaire pop singer, I feel so bad, boohoo." Yeah, I know guys. I'm not defending everything he does. My main issue is why do these people have to be the role models for children. Why can't it be a parent who works hard or something that makes sense? Why can't a parent say "it's nice that you love Justin, honey, but remember he's a flawed person like everyone else so don't try to imitate him." Or something like that, I don't have a parenting book.

Then there's the other thing that sportscaster said about ending bullying. Now bullying has recently become a big issue in this country and there are many organization out to stop it.

But they can't.

There's no way anyone can actually end bullying. You'd have to destroy the Internet first. Take Bieber again; how many people do you know on Facebook or Twitter that made a rude joke at his expense? Is that considered bullying or just mocking a celebrity? Rhetorical question, it doesn't matter. Because the internet has made it easy to lob insults at people. Hell, you can even do it anonymously so there's zero risk at all.

Obviously bullying leads to horrible things. Hearing about a bullied teen committing suicide is heartbreaking every time you hear it. It's awful to hear things like "you're fat", "you're ugly", "you're a fag", "go die", etc. No one should have to endure it, but mostly everyone will at some point in their life.

So what is the game plan? "End Bullying". Going to schools and explaining to kids that it's wrong to be mean to kids just because they're different. Which might seem like a good plan, but the thing about bullies is they usually know right from wrong but they don't care. Usually bullying is someone projecting something they dislike about their own life onto someone else, in an attempt to make themselves feel better.

Lots of comedians get called bullies for making fun of people. I'm sure I've been considered a bully before, because I tease people and make sarcastic comments. Usually I try to make sure people understand that I'm just teasing, but sometimes they don't always think I am. Because when I'm actually angry with someone, I'm not half as witty as I usually am.

My point is, you can't stop bullying from being a thing. The world is full of different people, and that leads to conflicts which can turn ugly. The goal I think we're aiming for is not to let them get ugly, but we don't have a surefire way of preventing that just yet. Now that we have organizations like One Million Moms who claim to want to make life better for their kids but are bullies themselves (said it, will say it again), it's clear the definition of Bullying is going to remain conflicted for some time.

I think that in addition to teaching kids not to be mean to each other it's also important to teach them how to deal with being a victim. I don't mean say "just tough it up!" I mean like rationally talk to them and help them overcome it. Even if we have to tell them to get off the Internet. The Internet can bring out the ugliest side in even the nicest of people, so if people are dicks to you on it when why do you even need it?

Anyway that's my PSA on idols and bullying. If this reaches any high school students that are getting bullied, here's some advice: just hang in there (I wish I could word that more originally). High school is nothing at all like real life and things usually improve once you graduate. You can do whatever you want after you leave; you can even move away and never see your bullies again. That's not called "running away", it's "making your life better".

One More Thing to Hate About Paula Deen

It's currently Wednesday evening. I just got home from my 2nd job of the day, and it's been a long one. For one thing, James Gandolfini died today. I've never watched The Sopranos, but from what little I've seen of him I know that he was a great actor and his death at such a young age (51) is truly tragic.

Also is the news today? Paula Deen is a racist.

I'll walk you through it.

Celebrity chef, restaurant owner, and butter enthusiast Paula Deen is currently involved in a lawsuit with a former manager from her restaurant. The plaintiff claims that Ms. Deen and her brother Bubba have used racial slurs numerous times while running the restaurant, along with some other really terrible offenses. Most of the claims go against Bubba (by the way, if your name is Bubba you're probably going to be involved in at least one lawsuit in your lifetime) but some other allegations towards Paula are her desire to dress her black servers in clean white jackets and shorts and have them dance around for a "true Southern wedding". (A summarized transcript of the case can be found here, which also includes a link to the full transcript).

Now I should explain: before today I had no real problem with Paula Deen. I was actually quite the fan. I know a lot of people hated her before all this stuff came out. She has a ridiculous accent, a fake-like cheeriness, and she makes really unnecessarily bad health choices.

But I was a fan; I found her charming in an old Southern way (apparently I was right). I've made my share of her recipes and even have a cookbook of hers (a gift from my Nana, who cannot stand Paula Deen). [Correction: book was gift from my aunt not my nana. Credit where credit is due.] But what I've always known about Paula is that you can't eat her food everyday because it's horribly bad for you. That's what comfort food is: food you make once in a while when you want to sacrifice health for taste. We're supposed to try to find a balance between health, taste, and time in our meal. But occasionally it's okay to sacrifice one for the other**. Just not all the time.

**I'm clearly not a doctor. This is just my view on eating. If you want to know how to eat right I suggest you google something from a professional. Or hit up Pinterest.

My reaction to Paula Deen being racist was the same as mine to Paula Deen having diabetes: "Yep, I believe that." I mean of course she's racist: she's an old white woman from Georgia. The odds were kind of in her favor, weren't they? But I don't condone it: racism is disgusting and anyone who uses slurs is also disgusting. Even if they do make a mean apple pie.

I actually kind of hope some of these claims are false. A little piece of me hopes that this cheery persona Deen has worked so hard to create has some tiny shred of honesty in it. But this is a celebrity chef we're talking about, so anything is possible. Paula Deen could be a huge racist asshole and Gordon Ramsay could actually be the sweetest man on the planet. It's hard to say what's real these days.
 
Reaction to all of this has been terrific, at least as far as comedy goes. As soon as this case was made aware to the public, people went nuts on Twitter. The hashtag #Paulasbestdishes instantly became a punchline for people to create "racist" food dishes, like Okra Winfrey or Trayvon Martinis. If you have a Twitter, I suggest you check out that tag. Because things like that are one of the best reasons to have a Twitter. Also, you should follow me. I'm fun. 

I grew up in West Virginia (recently celebrating it's 150th year) and throughout my school years I saw a ton of racist attitudes. I do not use the n-word in my own home (or any other time) because I don't want to associate myself with some of the kids I went to high school with. I remember one horrible redneck kid in my homeroom in high school who told his friends that "being gay was about as bad as being black." He was trying to sound tough in front of his buds, I'm sure, but damn that's always stuck with me. How terrifying that some kids are still brought up with this mindset.

But if you happen to be like Paula Deen (racist) just try this out: keep it inside. I mean seriously. I get that "it's your opinion" but let's be honest: your opinion is the wrong one. It is a backwoods opinion and a thing of the past. If you have an issue with someone for being a different race, it's on you. You are the one who has to get over it. The world is trying to become a progressive, friendly place and if you like to throw the n-word around, then you aren't helping anything.

Also, racists? Stop with this whole "why can't I say it if they can say it?" argument. It's stupid and makes you look ignorant. I won't go into a huge rant about it, but I went to an open mic night this week and another comedian (I forget his name, damn) summed it up perfectly:

"Gay people can say f****t, black people can say n****r, everyone's got a word. Except white people. Sorry white people. That's just the cost of privilege." Yep, he nailed it. White people get everything else, just accept that there are a few words you're actually not allowed to have.

Alright I didn't quite mean to get on a tangent about racism. Perhaps I'm just upset that someone I was fond of is probably going to screw up her career by saying things like "of course I use the n-word". But Independence Day is coming up and I just want to remind all the bigots that it's for everybody. But I'm sure my lovely readers aren't bigots. If you were, you probably wouldn't have made it this far down the page.

And if the baked beans you serve at the July 4th picnic happen to be Paula Deen's recipe, don't bring it up. Just make it with lots of love and offer it to anybody who wants some. That's the sign of a good cook/human being.