The Fool Reads: Clash of Kings and Rachel Dratch

It's been a long month of March and April, and I embarrassingly only have two books to show for it. However one was crazy long (and I admit, I read slow). So here are some thoughts.

First up, the second in A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin: A Clash of Kings. I will admit, I got into this book series after seeing videos of the series on HBO. While that sort of makes me a wagon-jumper, I have no regrets arriving to this fantasy series a bit late. In my spare time I suffer from an addiction to the computer game Dragon Age, and I have come to realize I must have some sort of soft spot for the dragon-slaying, sword fighting crowd.

But the reason I really love this series is the huge ensemble cast. I love well-written characters and George Martin gives a whole slew of them, each giving their own perspective on the goings-on in the country. At the center of this novel is Tyrion, the clever dwarf who always has a hilarious wisecrack and a plan up his sleeve. We also get chapters from Jon Snow who is off dealing with all sorts of nasty things in the forest, and we get two new narrators in the rascal-y Theon Greyjoy and the "onion knight" Davos Seaworth.

Emillia Clarke as Daenerys

I confess to being partial to the amount of strong female characters this series offers, my favorite being the self-proclaimed Queen of the Dragons, Daenerys. Like the first book, she spends her time away from the rest of the main characters, but her trials are one of the most challenging and I secretly hope she'll take the crown one day. Other strong women include Catelyn Stark and her young daughter Arya, who both show of their strengths: Catelyn emotionally and Arya physically. The other Stark daughter, Sansa, is growing on me. In the first book she was incredibly naive, which made it frustrating to read her chapters. However, in this book she has grown more and it's more entertaining to see her struggle to survive.

I also have to give a shout out to Varys, the eunuch, who is probably my favorite male character. He doesn't serve anyone whole-heartedly: he does what is best for his kingdom, and what is best for him. We never get inside his head and that really adds to his intrigue. I hope he stays around for future books. I also enjoyed the addition of the character Brienne, a mannish woman who serves as a knight for King Renly (who is in a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship with Ser Loras, who is technically his brother-in-law. Gay drama!)

I really enjoy the TV series, and happily I finished the book BEFORE the entire season aired. There are supposed to be seven in this book series, and only five are released. I would like to tackle the third, but they take so long (this one was 1,000 pages) I need some lighter reading in between epicness. Which brings me to:

The last book I read, courtesy of Kindle: Girl Walks into a Bar: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle by comedian Rachel Dratch. Dratch was a star on Saturday Night Live for seven years, and was cast members with Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Maya Rudolph (my personal dream team). She was always one of my favorite cast members ever, and I'm puzzled as to why she's not a household name like the rest of her ladies. Her most famous character was Debbie Downer, a woman who always brought down the room with a horribly depressing fact (usually cat AIDS statistics).

Dratch starts off her book talking about showbiz, answering some questions about SNL and about her work on 30 Rock (she was originally supposed to play the role played by Jane Krakowski). Her book doesn't have as many "laugh out loud" moments like Tina Fey's did, but it was really entertaining due to the conversational way she writes.

Dratch as Debbie Downer

She tells stories about her early work in Second City (where she met Fey) and some behind-the-scenes stuff on SNL, which I love reading about. While she keeps an optimistic feel throughout the book, she doesn't shy away from admitting some harsh truths: Hollywood sees her as the "lesbian best friend" caricature, she hasn't really worked long term since 30 Rock, and she even read comments saying she was replaced by Krakowski because she was the prettier actress (and at times, Dratch worried that was the case herself).

The second half of the book deals with the discovery that Ms. Dratch was pregnant at age 43. Since it was considered an impossibility, she thought the child-bearing time of her life was over and never dreamt she'd become pregnant. When she did, by a man she dated for six months, she stepped into the role of mother, although not so gracefully or willingly. She doesn't harp on "the joys of motherhood" or anything; rather she pokes fun at herself for being disgusted by a breast pump and loathing baby showers.

She sums up her attitude perfectly in her closing chapters (Spoiler alert? Can you spoil an autobiography?). She says a typical call from her agent would be for a movie: Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Maya Rudolph are in it playing superheroes. They want Rachel to play Amy's obese, lesbian, alien mother. Dratch happily agrees to do the film for little money (the producers thought she'd like to work with her old friends). She then hangs up the phone and goes to her baby Eli. She plays with his little feet and his toes, and says there is no better feeling.

A Trip to Mountain Stage

(Joan Osborne)

Yesterday I returned to my old college grounds, Morgantown WV, to see another Mountain Stage Concert. If you don't know, Mountain Stage is a radio program that is recorded in West Virginia. Concerts feature about four or five different artists in genres like folk, bluegrass, jazz, soul, gospel, and more. Most of their shows are recorded in Charleston but they do a few shows each year in Morgantown. I only got into these shows last year but I try to hit them all up when I can and I subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. While I don't always love everything I hear, Mountain Stage has helped me discover plenty a new artist (or at least, new to me).

The first performer was a young woman named Lera Lynn. She and her band (two boys, one on guitar and one on bass) have been opening for Joan Osborne, who was the headliner for this show. She has a good strong voice and some fun songs as well. She closed with the song "Good Hearted Man" and the link will take you to the music video version of that song, which is quite entertaining.



The second act was a bluegrass group called Leftover Salmon. The lead singer is a WVU alumni and the crowd was very responsive to him. There was some amazing guitar and banjo playing with this group, I was blown away by the rapid fingering of guitar strings. Probably because I have no patience when I tried to learn guitar so I'm impressed by anyone who does.






Next was a folk singer named Sylvie Lewis. This woman quickly became my favorite act of the evening. She performed solo, accompanying herself on the ukelele, piano, or guitar depending on the song. The songs were very pretty, as was her voice. In between songs she would tell funny stories in her beautiful English accent. Not many people could tell a story about someone farting in an elevator with class, but Ms. Lewis sure did. After the show I bought her CD and had her sign it, not something I usually do but what the hell she was there. She signed the booklet of the CD with an "Isaac is fabulous". I loved it.
Here's the music video for her song "The Fish and the Bird".

The fourth act was probably the most popular with the crowd: The Punch Brothers. I had never heard of them, but I did notice their names on a track from The Hunger Games soundtrack, so I feel like they're doing quite well for themselves. I really enjoyed them as well, they have a lot of great songs on their new CD "Who's Feeling Young Now?". There are great vocals and equally good string playing in this young bluegrass band and I hope to hear more from them. Here's them performing "Patchwork Girlfriend".




The final act of the night was blues singer Joan Osborne. If you don't recognize the name, her most famous song is "One of Us" which you've most likely heard. The song was recorded quite a few years ago and she now has this awesome mature blues voice that she really knows how to use. Her new CD is called "Bring It on Home" and all her material was great. Listening to her felt like being in some sort of blues cafe, she was definitely a great note to end the show on. Here's a more recent version of her singing "One of Us". I was going to post a video of her singing something from her new album, but screw it, here she is singing "Ain't No Sunshine".

So yeah, that was my awesome weekend. Gonna go use up the iTunes gift card now...

A Message from the Devil...Puppet

Greetings, and happy Friday the 13th.

My name is Be$%#@$%(*FEET%@$^&*. You probably can't pronounce that, but you can refer to me as Lester. I am a devil. Not THE devil, but A devil. Allow me to elaborate.

I used to live in (or possibly near) the land known as Prague. I was a marionette, and for you who may not know what that is, it is a form of puppet. Not like those annoying Muppets that have tainted the name of puppetry, but a puppet you operate using a string system to move their arms and legs. Like that film Pinocchio or that disgustingly cheerful song in The Sound of Music portraying men that fall in love with goats.

Anyway, Prague (or somewhere near it) was a lovely land where I lived with a little family of marionettes and our manipulator, Heimlich. Heimlich loved us all, but that didn't stop him from selling us to tourists. I had watched so many of my loved ones leave me, each one a different shape, size, and color. No two of use looked exactly alike. I had grown to care for my little family and had I any tear ducts would have wept upon being sold.

I don't know how long I remained in the suitcase. Possibly just for a few days, possibly a whole week. I remember getting a nosebleed; I assume that was when I was on the airplane. First time flier! When I was finally unpacked I was abruptly attacked by four cats. I thought "this must be some sort of shelter" but no, there are actually four cats in this house. When you're a marionette, cats are public enemy number one.

I was given as a gift and taken upstairs to a little room away from the cats. I now sit on a desk next to a large computer. My only other companion is a stuffed cow with a black t-shirt that says "RENT" on it. We don't talk much. I have come to realize: I'm in America.

I haven't seen much of America. Actually I've just seen this room. I've learned a few things though. Apparently, in America there is no water or beer: just Diet Coke. Or at least, that's all this human drinks. Some days I can't see over the wall of empty cans in front of my face. Not that there's much to see anyway. This human sleeps at least 12 hours a day. He wakes up at 5 am, leaves for four hours, comes back, sleeps for another 3. I mean, I'm a puppet but I move more than he does.

But I suppose I shouldn't complain. He talks to me sometimes. And he practices trying to make me move. He's quite good; so far I can wave "hello" with my left hand while doing absolutely nothing else.

Little does he know I can move on my own, and whenever he goes to his alleged "jobs" I get onto his computer and take over. I have bought a good deal of useless merchandise on Amazon.com and have set up my own Facebook account (friend me!). I think I'm going to like it here. And if I don't...I'll just have to take it over....ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Just kidding.

Or am I?

No, I am.

Right?

Sleep with one eye open.

That's the eye I'll rip out of its socket.

Happy Friday the 13th.