Jerky and Netflix, That's What I'm Doing!!

A pic of the jerky (or chunks) I'm making today. I'll go into further detail in the new year.

I was wondering what sort of hokey New Year's themed thing I should write today. A list of resolutions? No, screw that. See if I put resolutions on the internet, the world will know when I haven't completed them and who needs that? I mean in addition to myself knowing I'm not going to the gym, now everyone on Facebook knows I'm not going (I'm not going to the gym, I'm continuing not having a car and not eating Doritos for lunch so I'm fine thanks).

I thought about doing a list of my favorite movies or books this year, but in the end decided against it. If you read my critic blog you'll see it was kinda a slow year, I saw less than 30 movies or plays and some of them I just netflixed. So maybe that will be a resolution, try to see more than 30 things this year. Same goes for books, I don't think I've read 30 books this year and I feel like that's a low number (take this moment to feel guilty if you haven't read 4 books in the last 5 years). I'm aware these are small goals, but I'll keep any big resolutions to myself and tell you about them if I succeed.

Anyway I don't know what I'm looking forward to in the New Year or the things I'd like to change. Of course I also don't know what I'm looking forward to for the rest of my life, let alone 2014 specifically. But I can take things as they come, this could be an awesome year or it could be really shitty. Never know til it starts I guess so let's get this over with and start changing the last number of the date on our checks!

How am I ringing in the New Year? Well I don't have to work so that's pretty fabulous. I'm currently cooking some deer jerky, which I'll give a whole blog about this story later (it's also going to keep me in the house for the next six hours). Also there's leftover chili I made in the fridge that I'm going to attack soon. And then because I always need a laugh (and perhaps to encourage me to make others laugh too) I'm spending the day engrossed in comedy. Last night I stayed up watching Mike Birbiglia's "My Boyfriend's Girlfriend" on Netflix and this morning I just watched Bo Burnham's "what." (also up on Youtube). They've very different styles but are 2 really brilliant shows, I recommend them both highly. I also have Jen Kirkman's podcast "I Seem Fun" lined up, a Joan Rivers special on Netflix, and the DVD I got for my roommate: Jessica Kirson "Talking to Myself". Hopefully today is a day full of laughs (and chili, all the chili).

Tonight we're going to a little party. It should be fun, we're excited to go and we're gonna dress up and look classy. It'll be a fun day and it should lead us into a fun week. I go back to work at the theater Thursday, if you missed The Chief in the last 10 years here's your chance all over again. I'm actually going to stop now and clean up the entire kitchen because I got jerky marinade splattered everywhere. So everyone have a safe and happy night and I'll see you all in the new year.

Why A Christmas Story is So Fudging Good

Merry Christmas Everybody (or if you don't celebrate, happy hump day).


I'm typing this out on my ma's iPad, and I have no idea how these few pics I have are going to turn out. But to the left is a pic of our Christmas tree I took last night I wanted to share. And yeah, it's real.

We just did presents and now my ma, sister, and I are sitting around while A Christmas Story plays in the background. This movie is insanely popular, loved by mostly everyone including myself. Now I'm somewhat of a Scrooge; while I don't necessarily hate Christmas I don't really get excited about it. I loathe the many thousands of Lifetime TV Movies about white women falling in love around the holidays, and I don't even watch the old stop-motion classics. So why is A Christmas Story my one exception?

There are the obvious reasons, the reasons everyone loves the film: the classic scenes (leg lamps), the quotable lines ("he looks like a pink nightmare!"), the sweet subtle feel of the whole thing. It's incredibly well-written and perfectly cast. But I think what makes the movie so magical is the actual total lack of magic. There are no miracles, Santa Claus isn't real, and Ralphie never learns the true meaning of Christmas. It is quite possibly the most realistic holiday movie ever.

Take Ralphie: he isn't a cute kid who is totally in love with Christmas. He's like one of the "bad" kids in an animated feature, whose mind is solely on presents. And Ralphie is kind of a jerk; he's mean to his little brother, abandons a friend stuck to a metal pole, blames another friend for teaching him the F word...he's not a little angel to say the least.

But Ralphie isn't a bad kid; he's a normal kid that sometimes does bad things. And while he sometimes gets away with them, karma has a way of making him pay for it ("Be Sure to Drink Your Ovaltine"). His constant small-scale struggle with being a child combines with his overactive imagination is what makes Ralphie such a lovable character.

What else makes this film so great is that there is no clear message, like "Rudolph" (it's okay to be different) or "It's a Wonderful Life" (appreciate what you have, don't kill yourself). A Christmas Story shows us a typical family Christmas, for better or worse. While Ralphie goes through some troubles, there is no "laying it on thick" scene where a parental figure gives him encouragement. The emotional climax for Ralph is when he finally snaps and assaults the neighborhood bully, in one of the most satisfying movie beat downs of all time. His mom pulls him off, takes him home, cleans him up, and covers for him in front of his father. And that's that. A quiet and super real handling of a situation. A Christmas Story is like an alternative comic's Christmas movie in the way that it doesn't feel like any other kind of holiday film.

The movie is also a great way to transition a child from a believer-in-magic to a wise cynic. Case in point, one of the film's antagonists is Santa Claus. Here Santa is a pissed off, almost sadistic mall Santa whose maniacal "Ho. Ho. Ho." is so devoid of anything resembling Christmas cheer. His denial of Ralphie's request for a BB gun is the twist; in all other movies Santa would be the one to save the day,  but here our hero's "last hope" fails him. But as we know, the Old Man (Ralphie's dad) gets him the gun anyway. So even as we see Santa himself denying a kid, we also see that sometimes things work out anyway, even if it's as simple as the gruff dad giving his son a BB gun. Of course, that pesky karma (or perhaps just simple irony) gets in the way and Ralphie almost immediately shoots his eye out.

The real beautiful moments of A Christmas Story don't stand out us much as the telephone pole scene, or the Santa, or "Mommy's little Piggy", etc. It's the simple moments where the family just sits around and enjoys life. Like in the real world, after the presents are opened the Christmas high is gone. As Ralphie sits with his parents on the couch after opening presents they reflect. The Old Man asks Ralphie if he got everything he wanted, to which Ralph says "Almost." The Old Man replies "Almost, huh? Well that's life." although we know he's got the gun Ralph desires. And that is a beautiful moment, a life lesson and an act of love in less than 30 seconds. The Old Man says that sure, life is disappointing but sometimes good things can happen, especially if you've got a family who loves you.

That being said, I'm going to enjoy my time with the family who loves me. Everybody have a great Christmas/holiday time today!

Falling Out of Love with Harry Potter

I have a confession to make that's startling to me: I have apparently fallen out of love with Harry Potter.

Now I loved Harry Potter when it was all the rage. I was in the stores at midnight to get the books, I saw all the movies, I listened to Wizard Rock, and I enjoy a bit of fan fiction now and then. Like seemingly the rest of the country, I was a super fan obsessed with the boy wizard.

Nowadays? Meh. I'm not saying I have a hatred for Harry Potter, nor for anyone who is still a superfan. No, this falling out of love is definitely on me.

Now of course these movies play all the time on ABC Family, which I don't watch because I'm pretty sure I have the DVDs. But it doesn't matter because the need to rewatch these movies has not struck me in months. Not that they're bad or anything, I just don't want to watch them again.

So what does that mean? People get tired of watching movies, it happens. But it's not just the movies. I haven't reread the books in ages, and I love those books. I read the Ice and Fire books now (I'm clearly a sucker for fads) and they give me my fantasy fix plus adult themes like murder and incest. So no rereading has happened lately.

I'm not sure what triggered this loss of interest, but I think it's simply time. I appreciate the things I read years ago and I love them, but I don't dwell on them anymore. I don't laugh at any Harry Potter-related jokes or gifs, because it feels like we've heard them all before.

Take for instance Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. I'm sure it's magnificent and beautiful and makes children really believe in magic. But if I die having never gone there I'd be fine with that. Of course the dark cynic in me just thinks a theme park is just a franchise's way of taking more money from you. I mean, a book series has become a THEME PARK. Kinda sad, right? It's like going to Disney World after learning there are just humans inside those character suits: the magic is gone and it's hard to get it back.

I was told you can stand in line at Ollivander's wand shop and get your own want at Harry Potter World. Here's my thing: Yes, we all want wands. We've all wanted wands since we read about them and practiced dueling in our rooms. We wanted to be wizards and witches. It was a fantasy and a fun one at that. And now we can find our wands and feel like our fantasy has come true. We'll give the wand a wave jokingly, but deep down some part of us will be disappointed to learn that we are not magic beings and that the fantasy will never come true.

Quidditch is apparently now something you can play. I've gone through Pitt's campus and seen a field set up with three recognizable hoops. And I'm sure it's a super fun time. But what we loved about Quidditch was how wonderfully impossible it was. It was played in the air! On brooms! There were balls that moved on their own accord! Again I say real world Quidditch is probably fun but I'm sure everyone playing it thinks afterwards "Damn, if only we could fly."

Recently Starbucks started selling "Butterbeer", a popular drink in the Harry Potter universe. People went nuts, acting like this meant magic had entered our world at last. I heard it wasn't very good, that it was just sugar and caramel and butterscotch. But of course it wasn't good! It's a fictional drink that was being produced by the monsters at Starbucks! (No offense Starbucks.)

So I think I've grown out of it. I'm not saying it's childish to like Harry Potter, I'm simply saying I get little out of it anymore. I know what happens, I know the funny parts, the sad parts, the beautiful moments. I know what happens to the smallest of characters and I know what everyone's favorite quotes are. I'll occasionally get into a discussion about the Potterverse. I favor fanfictions where Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan end up together, and I will always argue that the film version of Ginny Weasley is total crap compared to the book character.

But when I read a post or a tweet along the lines of "Harry Potter is on TV right now!" I just think "So what?" This is a story that is branded into our heads so I don't get excited anymore. I feel like I'm just in the phase after everything is new and before I feel nostalgic about it. When I was a kid I liked Power Rangers and Pokemon, then I backed off for a while because I was growing up and interests were changing. Now as an adult I'll occasionally revisit them and enjoy them, mostly for nostalgia's sake. But right now, I don't miss Harry yet. I'm sure a few years from now I'll wake up and think "Damn I wanna reread those books." and I will, and the love will return as strong as ever. In the meantime, Harry, I'm just gonna shrug when I see you. It's not you, it's me.

Is Ginny heartbroken? Nah, that's her resting face.