Get the Biscuits!!!

Today I peed in a cup for the first time. I'm not in any trouble, I'm just applying for a job that likes to do drug screenings. A seasonal, part-time job that may do random drug testing after being employed. I found it a bit odd since the job was one where I'd assume at least some people would be high sometimes, but I just went with it. The actual process of peeing in the cup is not a good story: I had a diet Coke and a ninety-minute car ride before getting to the center. Very straightforward. My only concern was whether or not it was rude to keep peeing after I reached the line on the cup.

Speaking of pee in cups, I ate at Red Lobster yesterday. I hadn't been to one in years but I was home for my mom's birthday. I generally don't like Red Lobster because I never know what the hell to order. When you ask people what to get there 9 out of 10 people will say "THE BISCUITS!" and you'll have to force a laugh with them. But of course that's the best thing there, it's free carbs. But they don't give you the biscuits 'til after you order an entree, because they're on to your "free meal" bullshit.

What do I get? Crab legs? No! My whole life I've watched people eat crab legs and I've never deemed it worthwhile. So much work: you need a small fork, a vice grips, everyone says it hurts their hands, you get a bit of flesh out at a time which you then soak in that liquid butter. This all needs to be done quickly because "it's not good cold". My nana brought her own scissors and plastic gloves, like she was performing surgery. After dinner she asked my mother to close.

I ordered salmon and everyone at the table proceeded to give me shit for it. My family is the kind that finds what they like and keeps ordering that. Which is fine, but I don't go to Red Lobster EVER and just ordered some fish. And it was good! It tasted like fish! Which is what I was going for! What'd they get? Coconut Crusted Shrimp, two of my least favorite things fried together. And they were disappointed with it, so really who came out better here?

But I won't go to Red Lobster any time soon because I generally avoid seafood. Actually I generally avoid sea life. The ocean scares the hell out of me. It's so deep, we have no idea where the bottom is, it's a pitch black space thousands of miles under the surface where who-knows-what is swimming around waiting to kill us. Seen an Anglerfish?

Look at that thing. That swam up from the mouth of hell, don't tell me otherwise. In some countries, though, Anglerfish are a delicacy. They taste like lobster and they come with their own candlelight.

I've had some time to myself during these past few days, when I'm not looking for work or peeing in cups. Lately I used one of those days to watch season one of Broad City. I'm late to that game, but it's a lovely show and I currently can't get enough of it. Something I'm not watching? The Jinx, that documentary no one was talking about until two weeks ago and then everyone started talking about it at once (and then smart asses everywhere went "Jinx! You owe me a Coke!"). I've never been too into true crime. I have to be in a very specific dark mood before I can read about grisly murders without depressing myself out. Also I don't like watching things about murderers because I don't need any ideas.

Speaking of things that need killed, there are going to be two places on the same street near me where you can paint while drinking wine. I hate those. They take something usually fun (wine), mix it with an activity some people actually work hard at (painting), and add something awful (other people). Gross. My neighborhood is really going to hell. "Oh, but it's a fun and good way to relieve stress and socialize!" So just masturbate in a group, it's cheaper.

Was this bitter? Eh. Well it's been my week. Happy March! (Happy Birthday Ma!)