Job Hunting, and the Dread That Follows

Well it's the time of year again. Summer! Waterslides and picnics, right?

Wrong. It's Summer. One of your part-time jobs is ending for 3 months. You need to replace it. Actually you need to replace both of your part-time jobs. Actually you need a career, not just a job, aren't you listening to your mother? How are you going to afford things?

It's job hunting time.

Looking for a new job has always been something that gives me a great feeling of dread. I have two jobs currently, and I like them both well enough, but I know I could be doing better. So how does one go about that?

For starters, it'd be easier if I had any sense of direction. I'm not using my Theater degree so I'm literally looking for any new path. In my own little game of Life, I'll pick up any career card that comes my way. I'm also working on inventing a new ice cream flavor.

You'd think that would make it easier for me when I search for work; I literally have all options available to me. Well that's not totally true. I have to siphon through jobs that are too far away, ones I don't have enough experience for, ones that only offer 12 hours a week, etc. It's a frustrating process finding jobs I could consider doing and would still be able to do. Perhaps I'm too picky/neurotic, but right now I can kind of afford to be (this is what I tell myself).

So I look for jobs asking myself two questions: "What can I do?" and "What do I want to do?". The two rarely have the same answer. Because the things I want to do tend to be silly. I want to make people laugh, either in person or through a popular Twitter page, but seriously shut up Isaac. What do you want to do for real.

Well I'm not sure yet. I'm just looking for something to do in the meantime. 

And I'll say I'm thankful that I'm still not looking for theater work. If one of my friends who are looking would like to write a piece about looking for theater work, I'll happily post it. But I am far too neurotic to look for work all over the country that pays $100 a week for maybe 3 months and then having NO IDEA what to do when that's over. And also, you know, I wouldn't enjoy the work and aren't terribly good at it (that's how I started my theater cover letters).

But on those rare instances I find something and the people actually bother to answer me back, we create a whole new level of awkwardness: the interview.

I have had a fair share of bad interviews. In one, I completely forgot how to talk. In another, my interviewer said goodbye by saying "Good luck to you." which of course means I won't be hearing from them. What does one say back to that? "Thanks. Good luck to you too. Sorry neither of us will get that 15 minutes back."

The last interview I had was quite a doozy. For one thing, I was in no way qualified for it and couldn't imagine being a good fit. But whatever, I need experience in interviews so I went. It was winter so I bundled up in my gigantic coat because I had to take two buses to get there. I arrived at the building where I was one of probably at least 30 people they were seeing that day. The waiting room was full of youngish guys in nice suits and pea coats. Pea coats, by the way, are what you where when you have a car during the winter.

These guys also had those leather binder things that looked full of papers. And I kept thinking "what's in those? I have one piece of paper that represents who I am, and it basically says "RETAIL" in bold red letters.". If I had one of those leather binders it would be full of Spartacus fan fiction and blog posts like this one.

I should mention that at this interview I did forget to bring my resume. Stupid mistake on my part, I know. But give me a break, this was my first interview for a job that didn't involve wearing a t-shirt or a name tag in a long time.

So I give my name to the receptionist who is not much older than me. I sit down and fill out their little paper. One of the last questions was "who do you look to as a leader?" and DAMN do I wish I'd written something funny like "The Red Power Ranger" or "Cyclops". It's a stupid question right? What's the point of asking that?

Anyway while I'm filling out this form the receptionist is making small-talk with the other candidates, "where are you from" and the like. She then starts talking to me. I forget what she first asked because she pronounced my name wrong. She said at least 3 times "I-zack." If you've ever met anyone named Isaac before in your life, you know that that's weird and wrong.

So she asked "I-zack" where I was from. And I said (because I'm an asshole): "It's Isaac (pronounced right)". She said "What?" and I repeated myself. "I-zack?" she tried again. "No," I said, "Isaac. You don't have to hit the second part quite so hard."

This took literally thirty seconds and at the end of it, she looked like an idiot and I looked like a dick. At least one other person was sniggering in the waiting room. I thought "well if the decision is up to her, you probably won't get the job."

So the guy who's going to interview me comes out. And he goes to the receptionist "I wanna make this next one quick, I wanna be out of here by 10:30." It was 10:20 at the time. And I thought "Great. Taco Bell opens at 10:30 so this should work out well for everyone."

So we interview. To his credit, this man was very nice for someone who wanted to get out of there. I'll spare you the details of the job (ok, I forgot them) but it went fine. I'm much more comfortable when I know I'm not going to get the job. At the end he said "alright so part 2 of the interview is a group work shadow, where we bring a lot of candidates in and they see the job for a day. If we were to call you would you be free for [this weekend]?"

I said I would, which was kind of a lie. I wanted to say, "Sure. But you won't call me. I look like hell, I don't have a resume, and I embarrassed your receptionist. I wouldn't call myself right now, that's how badly I think this went."

But we just shook hands and both left. And I got a Doritos Locos Taco that day. They didn't call me back.

So I just had to share that story, in the middle of all my job searching and freaking out. Hopefully I'm not alone in this. If I have any advice it's this: 1) Bring a resume. 2) Buy a pea coat. 3) If the receptionist pronounces your name wrong, just let it slide. 4) The Doritos Locos Taco is kind of overrated.