At the risk of sounding incredibly shallow, let me just say
this: I would love to see myself appear on the “missed connections” page of Craigslist.
Hear me out.
Nothing would make me happier than clicking through those
links and seeing a description of me. I just want to know that there’s someone
out there willing to put the effort in going online, writing an anonymous
description of me, and then sending it for all the world to see in the hopes
that I’ll stumble across it. I mean, seriously, it seems like a huge
compliment.
I know 98% of those ads are just people cruising for sex,
and well done for them for being so bold. I can’t say I’m someone who would
ever write the words, “You were a really good waiter, Doug from Olive Garden.
Would love to get together sometime and see what else you serve up.” What can I
say? I play hard to get.
But some of those people have got to be looking for love.
Someone saw me taking a nap on the bus or spilling pizza sauce on my shirt and
thought “Wow. That’s the one.” I don’t know why you’d need anything else
to go on. You can pretty much guess how a person’s going to be just by watching
them. “Oh, he seems cool, he has stains on his clothes and doesn’t give a
damn!”
And what a great story to tell your friends when they ask,
“how did you guys meet?” You can say “well, I was using the port-a-potty at the
street fair and he saw me from across the street. He didn’t say anything, but
that night he went on Craigslist and wrote about me in the “missed
connections.” Luckily I was on the verge of suicide so I was on Craigslist
looking for some fast action. I saw his post and thought “what the hell?” and
we agreed to meet in a very public location.”
Then there are the ones that have loved already, and
they go to Craigslist as a final plea for their loved one’s heart. “Oh Kyle,
(name changed for this story) I miss our long text talks together. The few
weeks we’ve known each other have been the best of my life. I wish you’d return
my calls, I can’t imagine life without you. We have so much to learn about each
other: Our dreams, our biggest fears, our last names. Please call. –XOXO You
know who”
Damn it, Kyle, just do it!! DO IT!
Granted, some missed connections seem a bit lazy on behalf
of the posters. Like “I sucked you off in the park, you seem like a cool guy,
would love to get together some time.” Really? Couldn’t have asked that in
person? You’re sucking him in the park, THE ICE HAS BEEN BROKEN. Take a chance
on love!
Buy anyway; perhaps I’m just desperate for the attention.
But once, just ONCE, I would like to go on Craigslist any random day and
discover that I’m reading about myself. I’m not saying I’ll respond; in fact I
may change the locks to my house. But it would give a great spring in my step
to know that someone cared enough to make a useless gesture on the Internet.
In fact, I may make a posting of my own. Something like
this:
“You were reading my blog the other day. You probably found
it by accident, or perhaps you’re just a virus going around. Anyway, I seem
like a cool guy and you’d like to get to know me better, but you’re too shy. Or
maybe you read the rest of my postings and thought, “he’s a lunatic”. Either
way I encourage you to take the first step. Send me a reply with your name,
age, and stats (height, weight, level of attractiveness).”
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