Falling Out of Love with Harry Potter

I have a confession to make that's startling to me: I have apparently fallen out of love with Harry Potter.

Now I loved Harry Potter when it was all the rage. I was in the stores at midnight to get the books, I saw all the movies, I listened to Wizard Rock, and I enjoy a bit of fan fiction now and then. Like seemingly the rest of the country, I was a super fan obsessed with the boy wizard.

Nowadays? Meh. I'm not saying I have a hatred for Harry Potter, nor for anyone who is still a superfan. No, this falling out of love is definitely on me.

Now of course these movies play all the time on ABC Family, which I don't watch because I'm pretty sure I have the DVDs. But it doesn't matter because the need to rewatch these movies has not struck me in months. Not that they're bad or anything, I just don't want to watch them again.

So what does that mean? People get tired of watching movies, it happens. But it's not just the movies. I haven't reread the books in ages, and I love those books. I read the Ice and Fire books now (I'm clearly a sucker for fads) and they give me my fantasy fix plus adult themes like murder and incest. So no rereading has happened lately.

I'm not sure what triggered this loss of interest, but I think it's simply time. I appreciate the things I read years ago and I love them, but I don't dwell on them anymore. I don't laugh at any Harry Potter-related jokes or gifs, because it feels like we've heard them all before.

Take for instance Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. I'm sure it's magnificent and beautiful and makes children really believe in magic. But if I die having never gone there I'd be fine with that. Of course the dark cynic in me just thinks a theme park is just a franchise's way of taking more money from you. I mean, a book series has become a THEME PARK. Kinda sad, right? It's like going to Disney World after learning there are just humans inside those character suits: the magic is gone and it's hard to get it back.

I was told you can stand in line at Ollivander's wand shop and get your own want at Harry Potter World. Here's my thing: Yes, we all want wands. We've all wanted wands since we read about them and practiced dueling in our rooms. We wanted to be wizards and witches. It was a fantasy and a fun one at that. And now we can find our wands and feel like our fantasy has come true. We'll give the wand a wave jokingly, but deep down some part of us will be disappointed to learn that we are not magic beings and that the fantasy will never come true.

Quidditch is apparently now something you can play. I've gone through Pitt's campus and seen a field set up with three recognizable hoops. And I'm sure it's a super fun time. But what we loved about Quidditch was how wonderfully impossible it was. It was played in the air! On brooms! There were balls that moved on their own accord! Again I say real world Quidditch is probably fun but I'm sure everyone playing it thinks afterwards "Damn, if only we could fly."

Recently Starbucks started selling "Butterbeer", a popular drink in the Harry Potter universe. People went nuts, acting like this meant magic had entered our world at last. I heard it wasn't very good, that it was just sugar and caramel and butterscotch. But of course it wasn't good! It's a fictional drink that was being produced by the monsters at Starbucks! (No offense Starbucks.)

So I think I've grown out of it. I'm not saying it's childish to like Harry Potter, I'm simply saying I get little out of it anymore. I know what happens, I know the funny parts, the sad parts, the beautiful moments. I know what happens to the smallest of characters and I know what everyone's favorite quotes are. I'll occasionally get into a discussion about the Potterverse. I favor fanfictions where Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan end up together, and I will always argue that the film version of Ginny Weasley is total crap compared to the book character.

But when I read a post or a tweet along the lines of "Harry Potter is on TV right now!" I just think "So what?" This is a story that is branded into our heads so I don't get excited anymore. I feel like I'm just in the phase after everything is new and before I feel nostalgic about it. When I was a kid I liked Power Rangers and Pokemon, then I backed off for a while because I was growing up and interests were changing. Now as an adult I'll occasionally revisit them and enjoy them, mostly for nostalgia's sake. But right now, I don't miss Harry yet. I'm sure a few years from now I'll wake up and think "Damn I wanna reread those books." and I will, and the love will return as strong as ever. In the meantime, Harry, I'm just gonna shrug when I see you. It's not you, it's me.

Is Ginny heartbroken? Nah, that's her resting face.

Christmas Time is Apparently NOT about Being Nice to People

Thanksgiving morning I woke up at 8 AM, as I am prone to doing, and went out to my parents' living room. I flicked on the TV and tuned in to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC. I pick NBC because they show performances from current hits on Broadway, and I like seeing what's going on there.

The musicals perform before the actual parade footage starts, as sort of a pre-show type thing. This year featured numbers from Motown: The Musical, Matilda, Kinky Boots, and Pippin. The performances varied: I found Motown to be a boring concept, and I have no real interest in Matilda or Pippin. But I remember watching Kinky Boots (a show I heard about but knew very little) and thinking "hey, this is actually kind of cute."

And life went on, as did the parade. It had all the classics; marching bands, giant balloons, floats with music stars doing bad lip-synch...all the things we've come to expect. There were cameos from my childhood, namely the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles. It was a fun time.

Then today what news am I greeted with by the internet? People are outraged, OUTRAGED that Macy's allowed a performance of Kinky Boots, a show featuring drag queens, to air during the parade.  People were bombarding Macy's Facebook page with horrible comments.

And I lost my mind.

Now granted, anyone who goes on to a business' facebook page to complain about something is an idiot child. If you end a post with "I guess I won't be shopping there anymore", you're a loser. But these people, people who claim to be defenders of Christmas, are just hateful.

This is about Christmas, a time everyone pretends to celebrate peace on earth and good will towards men. Unless of course those men are dressed as women, in which case "EW GET THESE FAGGOTS OFF MY TV SCREEN!" Christmas isn't for everyone, people: you have to be one of the good ones.

I just love how easily people think Christmas gets attacked. "OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO SAY 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS' NOW?!? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY??" And anytime someone brings up the "War on Christmas" I get a searing pain in my forehead, because there is no such thing as a war on Christmas. Even if there were, Christmas is still celebrated by well over half the country so there is no danger of "losing" the war. But goodness, people just love to play the victim don't they? It's hard to be a part of the most popular religion in the world, isn't it?

I won't make this about religion, although I firmly believe that is the crux of this "outrage". The major complaint from the good people of Facebook is "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO OUR CHILDREN?!?" That's very simple. You tell them that sometimes men dress as women and perform comedy routines for people. Because that's, um, the truth.

And can I just say, who cares about the children? I think people focus entirely too much on what "the children" are exposed to. Now if Macy's featured Santa Claus fucking a reindeer, I'd probably agree that was scarring to children. But no one did that. It was a little drag performance that could be explained in the sentence I gave above. No one said you had to explain to your kids any intricate details about sex, because there was nothing sexual about it. Just watch the number and move on to the giant floating Spongebob.

If you've never been to a drag show or met a drag queen and think they're disgusting, let me tell you something: they're not. They're human beings who are being themselves and doing what they love to do, and they deserve the right to be happy and celebrate the holidays too. There is nothing "anti-family" about a drag queen. They're actually fun; that's the point, see? They're entertainers.

And don't tell me that was an inappropriate performance. If those slutty Rockettes get dragged out into the cold year after year to kick their legs up in the air wearing no pants, then we can see a few drag queens in fabulous costumes. Men can be beautiful too.

Now I can't say I'm that surprised, really. People disagree about all sorts of things. Over my 24-hour stay with my family I was reprimanded for cursing and for telling a story about a time I got drunk. I am 24 years old and, frankly, living a healthy and safe life. But I'm not an exact version of the person people want me to be and that upsets them. But I don't care. I say "fuck" a lot and I occasionally drink. I'm still a good person, I think, and I don't hurt people. Nor do I expect other people to become who I want them to be.

And that's the issue with the parade. Some people didn't like what they saw with Kinky Boots but instead of just saying "well that was stupid" they go on a long temper tantrum about everything that is "wrong" with American and how "disgusted" and "ashamed" they are of Macy's and NBC. There are many things on TV I don't like, namely reality shows on E! and most half-hour sitcoms on right now. But because I don't like something that doesn't make it bad; as long as it isn't hurting anything what should I care what people watch?

Ironically, the actual number Kinky Boots performed had a lot to say about accepting others for who they are. And that's kind of what God/Jesus/Allah/Whoever would want you to do right? Everyone gets to celebrate holidays, including gays and transgender people. If you disagree with that, I have horrible news: you're on the wrong side of humanity. So why not take a page from Kinky Boots script and try to accept people for who they are this Christmas? And then keep accepting all year round. Because I think that's what decent people should be doing.

So, I applaud Macy's and NBC for allowing Kinky Boots to perform. As cheesy as Macy's Christmas commercials can get, their decision to be an inclusive and non-discriminating company shows that they really do grasp the concept of what the holidays should be like. This was not some political statement, no one is "lecturing" anybody (well, I'm lecturing right now). It's an award-winning musical and it was supposed to be fun. And for those of us with hearts, it was.

I'm sure I'll blog again soon, but in the meantime HAPPY HOLIDAYS FUCKERS.

What's With Selfies?

Here's something I've been wondering about lately: why do people take selfies?

If you don't know, a "selfie" refers to when a person takes a picture of themselves with their camera/phone and puts it on the internet.

This is what every selfie looks like to me. Do we really need more of these?

Now of course there are obvious reasons why you'd do this. Nobody could be around to hold the camera for you, you might just want a new profile picture, etc. My favorite is when people are on vacation and take a selfie and say "Can't believe I'm here", but we don't know where "here" is because 95% of the picture is taken up by their face. But I'm talking about the people that post pictures of their face on a regular basis and my question is why.

I have a few friends that post selfies regularly, and let me clarify right now this blog is not directed at any one person specifically. These are just my feelings towards the entire ordeal.  I put up on my twitter and my facebook a question "Why do people take selfies?" and no one bothered to answer me.

Of course, no one probably cared enough to answer, which is totally fine. I'll openly admit this is a dumb topic to talk about. But the people who do take selfies didn't answer me and you know why? SHAME. They don't have a good reason.

So here's what I think. I think a selfie is the internet's version of grabbing someone by the shoulders and yelling "TELL ME I'M PRETTY!!! TELL ME!!"

Am I wrong? People post selfies for the attention. Which is fine, it's what the internet is for. I post little jokes and statuses and I like when people say it's funny or whatever. But what I hate is that maybe 3 people will like a joke I make but hundreds of people will like someone's duck-faced bathroom selfie and comment shit like "Gorgeous". Give me a break.

I get that their argument is probably a confidence issue. I'm no stranger to shitty self-confidence, everyone has to deal with it from time to time. But there comes a point where confidence turns into vanity, and a lot of people have crossed that line.

Because here are my hippie-dippie feelings about it: if you need constant approval from the rest of the world telling you you're pretty, then you probably don't think you're pretty.  And that's the problem. The only person you have to convince that you're attractive is yourself. I know, I know, I'm getting all "Oprah" on you. But seriously, work on that self-confidence. It doesn't come from other people. It's about you. 

Then there's the people who claim to consider themselves ugly but still put selfies on Facebook, in an attempt to look brave and get people's reassurance. Stop that: if you truly had issues with yourself you wouldn't be plastering your face onto the internet for the whole world to see. You're not a hero, you're an asshole.

So I don't know what I want from selfie people. Stop? I guess you don't have to. But really I don't know why you wouldn't. Once you've seen one picture of your face you've pretty much seen them all. So I don't know...maybe acknowledge the fact that you're acting like a teenage girl? Oh whatever, in one ear and out the other I guess. Go to your bathroom and take a picture of yourself giving me the finger. I'm sure I deserve it.

The March of the Grammar Nazis

The early bird: get us the worm!

I'm bringing up a classic complaint. We all know what I'm talking about, we've all seen it:
You or someone you know posts a status on Facebook, something like "If you don't see The Heat, your missing out!". And someone in the comment section will correct them: "*you're".

The person who is writing the comment could be called a "Grammar Nazi". Grammar Nazis are labeled as people who live to go onto the Internet and correct their friends' grammar. People who constantly have their friends correcting them think the Nazis are annoying. The Nazis think their friends who can't spell are annoying. Who's in the right here?

A bit of bus graffiti I found, with proper grammar to boot.

I am aware that I tend to make the occasional typo. I'll probably reread this post 20 times to make sure I didn't miss anything, and I might anyway. Feel free to say "you used the wrong 'their' in this paragraph" and I'll accept it and fix it, you troll.

But let's get into it: people have been using bad grammar on the Internet ever since the Internet was born. Is it really that big a deal? Technically no; if someone misspells something on Facebook nobody gets hurt or dies, someone just looks the fool. The audience will hopefully know what they mean and mentally correct their friend.



 So do grammar Nazis have sticks up their asses? Some of them do, they are just bossy and live to correct others. It's not fun or cute, but it's who they are. Do I think they should correct people who misspell things?

Yes. Yes I do.

For the most part, anyway. Again, I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes you just type too fast or don't think and get your "their/there/they're" or "you're/your" mixed up. It happens, I GET IT. But there's a difference between people who are in a hurry and people who just don't know what they're doing.

It's not like I'm making fun of people who misspell tricky words. We aren't talking about forgetting the extra "u" in "vacuum" or having a bitch of a time with "definitely" (I always put an A instead of an E). I'm making fun of people who have a hard time grasping basic grammar.  It's like not knowing basic math. If someone put on Facebook "hey guys, 2+3=9" you'd probably make fun of them. Of course if someone's putting math problems on Facebook you should rethink your "friendship" anyway.

But again, why does it matter? Well...you look dumb and you actually might not be dumb. Blatantly misspelling words makes you look unintelligent, and since spell check is everywhere it also makes you look lazy and uncaring. This is a language we ALL speak and read, so why is it so difficult to master the writing of it?

A note at my workplace. I corrected the grammar. I'm that guy.

Admittedly a lot of people don't need to read these days. There are lots of jobs that require minimum to no reading skills, and many people will choose not to read a book or newspaper if they're given the option. Thus, when these people get on Facebook they confuse "are" and "our" simply because they sound the same.  

 I don't mean to come off that misspelling words makes you a bad person. I also don't want to mock people with dyslexia or learning disabilities because I understand some people have trouble with this stuff. But as a population I think we should be doing better.

It's a small thing when you see someone misspell on Facebook. But suppose they don't get corrected and then they believe that they're writing proper English. Then they go write a cover letter for a job application and wonder why no one is taking them seriously. They can't find work at a job in their field so they end up working a dead end job they can't escape. Eventually they fall into a sick depression all because they think "it's" is possessive. Rough, right?

So stop defending yourself as if it's the Grammar Nazis' fault you write like a child. Just admit that you're wrong and the next time you post something, give it a second read through and see if it looks right. If you're still wrong, pick up a book or something and read. Just read. It's fun! There's so much to read and there's no good reason not to. You'll find something you like, I promise.

I'm sure I've managed to come off as a tight ass or a snob. But I don't care. It gives me a sick sense of satisfaction when I see people with master's degrees that can't write a third-grade sentence. I'm sure they can do lots of things I can't...but they'd have to tell me about it in person, because they sure as hell can't write it down.

 
So I say lay off of the Grammar Nazis, they just want you to look like the intelligent person you probably are. The best way to avoid one is simply to learn how to form sentences. It's very simple. I should clarify that I am not a Grammar Nazi. When I see someone with horrid grammar I think what a dumbass and go on with life. So prove me wrong, Internet! Go update your life and use an apostrophe correctly! I believe in you!

Job Hunting, and the Dread That Follows

Well it's the time of year again. Summer! Waterslides and picnics, right?

Wrong. It's Summer. One of your part-time jobs is ending for 3 months. You need to replace it. Actually you need to replace both of your part-time jobs. Actually you need a career, not just a job, aren't you listening to your mother? How are you going to afford things?

It's job hunting time.

Looking for a new job has always been something that gives me a great feeling of dread. I have two jobs currently, and I like them both well enough, but I know I could be doing better. So how does one go about that?

For starters, it'd be easier if I had any sense of direction. I'm not using my Theater degree so I'm literally looking for any new path. In my own little game of Life, I'll pick up any career card that comes my way. I'm also working on inventing a new ice cream flavor.

You'd think that would make it easier for me when I search for work; I literally have all options available to me. Well that's not totally true. I have to siphon through jobs that are too far away, ones I don't have enough experience for, ones that only offer 12 hours a week, etc. It's a frustrating process finding jobs I could consider doing and would still be able to do. Perhaps I'm too picky/neurotic, but right now I can kind of afford to be (this is what I tell myself).

So I look for jobs asking myself two questions: "What can I do?" and "What do I want to do?". The two rarely have the same answer. Because the things I want to do tend to be silly. I want to make people laugh, either in person or through a popular Twitter page, but seriously shut up Isaac. What do you want to do for real.

Well I'm not sure yet. I'm just looking for something to do in the meantime. 

And I'll say I'm thankful that I'm still not looking for theater work. If one of my friends who are looking would like to write a piece about looking for theater work, I'll happily post it. But I am far too neurotic to look for work all over the country that pays $100 a week for maybe 3 months and then having NO IDEA what to do when that's over. And also, you know, I wouldn't enjoy the work and aren't terribly good at it (that's how I started my theater cover letters).

But on those rare instances I find something and the people actually bother to answer me back, we create a whole new level of awkwardness: the interview.

I have had a fair share of bad interviews. In one, I completely forgot how to talk. In another, my interviewer said goodbye by saying "Good luck to you." which of course means I won't be hearing from them. What does one say back to that? "Thanks. Good luck to you too. Sorry neither of us will get that 15 minutes back."

The last interview I had was quite a doozy. For one thing, I was in no way qualified for it and couldn't imagine being a good fit. But whatever, I need experience in interviews so I went. It was winter so I bundled up in my gigantic coat because I had to take two buses to get there. I arrived at the building where I was one of probably at least 30 people they were seeing that day. The waiting room was full of youngish guys in nice suits and pea coats. Pea coats, by the way, are what you where when you have a car during the winter.

These guys also had those leather binder things that looked full of papers. And I kept thinking "what's in those? I have one piece of paper that represents who I am, and it basically says "RETAIL" in bold red letters.". If I had one of those leather binders it would be full of Spartacus fan fiction and blog posts like this one.

I should mention that at this interview I did forget to bring my resume. Stupid mistake on my part, I know. But give me a break, this was my first interview for a job that didn't involve wearing a t-shirt or a name tag in a long time.

So I give my name to the receptionist who is not much older than me. I sit down and fill out their little paper. One of the last questions was "who do you look to as a leader?" and DAMN do I wish I'd written something funny like "The Red Power Ranger" or "Cyclops". It's a stupid question right? What's the point of asking that?

Anyway while I'm filling out this form the receptionist is making small-talk with the other candidates, "where are you from" and the like. She then starts talking to me. I forget what she first asked because she pronounced my name wrong. She said at least 3 times "I-zack." If you've ever met anyone named Isaac before in your life, you know that that's weird and wrong.

So she asked "I-zack" where I was from. And I said (because I'm an asshole): "It's Isaac (pronounced right)". She said "What?" and I repeated myself. "I-zack?" she tried again. "No," I said, "Isaac. You don't have to hit the second part quite so hard."

This took literally thirty seconds and at the end of it, she looked like an idiot and I looked like a dick. At least one other person was sniggering in the waiting room. I thought "well if the decision is up to her, you probably won't get the job."

So the guy who's going to interview me comes out. And he goes to the receptionist "I wanna make this next one quick, I wanna be out of here by 10:30." It was 10:20 at the time. And I thought "Great. Taco Bell opens at 10:30 so this should work out well for everyone."

So we interview. To his credit, this man was very nice for someone who wanted to get out of there. I'll spare you the details of the job (ok, I forgot them) but it went fine. I'm much more comfortable when I know I'm not going to get the job. At the end he said "alright so part 2 of the interview is a group work shadow, where we bring a lot of candidates in and they see the job for a day. If we were to call you would you be free for [this weekend]?"

I said I would, which was kind of a lie. I wanted to say, "Sure. But you won't call me. I look like hell, I don't have a resume, and I embarrassed your receptionist. I wouldn't call myself right now, that's how badly I think this went."

But we just shook hands and both left. And I got a Doritos Locos Taco that day. They didn't call me back.

So I just had to share that story, in the middle of all my job searching and freaking out. Hopefully I'm not alone in this. If I have any advice it's this: 1) Bring a resume. 2) Buy a pea coat. 3) If the receptionist pronounces your name wrong, just let it slide. 4) The Doritos Locos Taco is kind of overrated.