Christmas Time is Apparently NOT about Being Nice to People

Thanksgiving morning I woke up at 8 AM, as I am prone to doing, and went out to my parents' living room. I flicked on the TV and tuned in to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC. I pick NBC because they show performances from current hits on Broadway, and I like seeing what's going on there.

The musicals perform before the actual parade footage starts, as sort of a pre-show type thing. This year featured numbers from Motown: The Musical, Matilda, Kinky Boots, and Pippin. The performances varied: I found Motown to be a boring concept, and I have no real interest in Matilda or Pippin. But I remember watching Kinky Boots (a show I heard about but knew very little) and thinking "hey, this is actually kind of cute."

And life went on, as did the parade. It had all the classics; marching bands, giant balloons, floats with music stars doing bad lip-synch...all the things we've come to expect. There were cameos from my childhood, namely the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles. It was a fun time.

Then today what news am I greeted with by the internet? People are outraged, OUTRAGED that Macy's allowed a performance of Kinky Boots, a show featuring drag queens, to air during the parade.  People were bombarding Macy's Facebook page with horrible comments.

And I lost my mind.

Now granted, anyone who goes on to a business' facebook page to complain about something is an idiot child. If you end a post with "I guess I won't be shopping there anymore", you're a loser. But these people, people who claim to be defenders of Christmas, are just hateful.

This is about Christmas, a time everyone pretends to celebrate peace on earth and good will towards men. Unless of course those men are dressed as women, in which case "EW GET THESE FAGGOTS OFF MY TV SCREEN!" Christmas isn't for everyone, people: you have to be one of the good ones.

I just love how easily people think Christmas gets attacked. "OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO SAY 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS' NOW?!? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY??" And anytime someone brings up the "War on Christmas" I get a searing pain in my forehead, because there is no such thing as a war on Christmas. Even if there were, Christmas is still celebrated by well over half the country so there is no danger of "losing" the war. But goodness, people just love to play the victim don't they? It's hard to be a part of the most popular religion in the world, isn't it?

I won't make this about religion, although I firmly believe that is the crux of this "outrage". The major complaint from the good people of Facebook is "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO OUR CHILDREN?!?" That's very simple. You tell them that sometimes men dress as women and perform comedy routines for people. Because that's, um, the truth.

And can I just say, who cares about the children? I think people focus entirely too much on what "the children" are exposed to. Now if Macy's featured Santa Claus fucking a reindeer, I'd probably agree that was scarring to children. But no one did that. It was a little drag performance that could be explained in the sentence I gave above. No one said you had to explain to your kids any intricate details about sex, because there was nothing sexual about it. Just watch the number and move on to the giant floating Spongebob.

If you've never been to a drag show or met a drag queen and think they're disgusting, let me tell you something: they're not. They're human beings who are being themselves and doing what they love to do, and they deserve the right to be happy and celebrate the holidays too. There is nothing "anti-family" about a drag queen. They're actually fun; that's the point, see? They're entertainers.

And don't tell me that was an inappropriate performance. If those slutty Rockettes get dragged out into the cold year after year to kick their legs up in the air wearing no pants, then we can see a few drag queens in fabulous costumes. Men can be beautiful too.

Now I can't say I'm that surprised, really. People disagree about all sorts of things. Over my 24-hour stay with my family I was reprimanded for cursing and for telling a story about a time I got drunk. I am 24 years old and, frankly, living a healthy and safe life. But I'm not an exact version of the person people want me to be and that upsets them. But I don't care. I say "fuck" a lot and I occasionally drink. I'm still a good person, I think, and I don't hurt people. Nor do I expect other people to become who I want them to be.

And that's the issue with the parade. Some people didn't like what they saw with Kinky Boots but instead of just saying "well that was stupid" they go on a long temper tantrum about everything that is "wrong" with American and how "disgusted" and "ashamed" they are of Macy's and NBC. There are many things on TV I don't like, namely reality shows on E! and most half-hour sitcoms on right now. But because I don't like something that doesn't make it bad; as long as it isn't hurting anything what should I care what people watch?

Ironically, the actual number Kinky Boots performed had a lot to say about accepting others for who they are. And that's kind of what God/Jesus/Allah/Whoever would want you to do right? Everyone gets to celebrate holidays, including gays and transgender people. If you disagree with that, I have horrible news: you're on the wrong side of humanity. So why not take a page from Kinky Boots script and try to accept people for who they are this Christmas? And then keep accepting all year round. Because I think that's what decent people should be doing.

So, I applaud Macy's and NBC for allowing Kinky Boots to perform. As cheesy as Macy's Christmas commercials can get, their decision to be an inclusive and non-discriminating company shows that they really do grasp the concept of what the holidays should be like. This was not some political statement, no one is "lecturing" anybody (well, I'm lecturing right now). It's an award-winning musical and it was supposed to be fun. And for those of us with hearts, it was.

I'm sure I'll blog again soon, but in the meantime HAPPY HOLIDAYS FUCKERS.

Delirium: Noodles

I'm writing to you right now in a state of food delirium. My friends and I, all having the evening off, decided to have a little mini-Thanksgiving. The menu? Fried chicken nuggets, rice with veggies, green beans, beer bread, and noodles. I made the noodles and I also made a chocolate pecan pie for dessert. Everyone is sprawled out in the living room waiting for death while we listen to Foster the People. My friends are yelling at me, claiming I put drugs in the noodles and that's weakened them. It's been a weird evening.

Anyway I actually have a topic this time that sort of ties in with Thanksgiving. I'm going to talk about noodles. That's right, welcome to some top-rate FOOD TALK.

Ok so for years of my childhood I adored my grandmother's noodles. Like she made them for every big family gathering and I couldn't get enough of them. Instead of going for pie for dessert, I would get more noodles. I was obsessed, fat, and happy.

Then as I grew older I learned how to make these delicious noodles from my grandma, and from then on every Thanksgiving I would help her make them. The recipe, and the noodles themselves, are actually very underwhelming. These are your basic egg and flour noodles, with a splash of milk to make them stick together. Combine these things in a food processor, roll up the dough, and then cut into noodles with an electric knife. Leave the noodles out overnight and the next day throw them in some chicken broth alongside a chicken breast. Simple and delicious.

What was fun (and is still fun) about making noodles is that it doesn't have to look pretty. Noodles were any shape, size, length, and consistency. It's the perfect food for a child to help make, and for a 24 year old who likes to be sloppy. I also don't own a food processor or an electric knife, so I go old school and that shows in the result. My mother doesn't particularly like to cook and I like it enough but don't do it a lot so it's nice to make something as stupidly simple as basic egg noodles.

Due to my work schedules these past few years I haven't been able to help cook the noodles with my family on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, which is the tradition. My grandmother, who is no longer with us, did get help from her great-grandchildren and they are keeping the tradition going with my aunts, so all is well in noodleville.

While I prepared the noodles last night in my underwear with my iPhone tucked into the waistband (listening to Alabama Shakes) I realized this was a far departure from when I started making noodles with Grandma. But that's okay. Making them reminds me of her, and that's a good enough reason alone (eating the noodles afterwards is an added plus).

Anyway, Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow and that's exciting. We're doing a smaller get-together this year than we usually do, which is great. My aunts don't have to break their backs cooking this year, there will be more room for everybody...I anticipate a good time had by all. I offered to help make the noodles this year by preparing them in Pittsburgh and cooking them in West Virginia. However I was told my little cousins have grown very attached to making noodles and would likely pitch a fit if they were left out. Despite the fact that I've been throwing fits for 24 years, I decided to be the adult and let them make the noodles.

I'm going to make a peanut butter pie tonight and take it home tomorrow, at my mother's request. I was going to make a pumpkin pie but apparently my aunt's recipe makes 5 of those so it seems redundant.  I always fight with my pie crusts, but lately I got lucky and was able to pull of this beauty...

Ok beauty isn't the right word. The crust falls apart kind of and we don't have a good pie spatula so I usually end up tearing it out with a fork. But hey, pie is pie, so as my mother says "Eat it and say it's good."

Alright that's it for me. Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

My Laptop is "Catching Fire" (and my plans for today)

I tried to write this post in the comfort of my bed on my 7-year old laptop. Unfortunately it's on borrowed time at this point. The above picture is a cable I ordered that came in the mail a few days ago. It now has a nice scorch mark from the input hole on my laptop. After countless times of knocking it off the bed the thing has always been difficult to charge and now it lives to burn any cable I plug into it. I'm planning on removing any files I feel attached to from it and then "pull the plug".

So I'm writing this from my awesome desktop and I'm writing it because I don't have to go to work today (either of them) and it's the first time that's happened in a long time. And so excited am I for the day I'm going to have that I decided to write my feelings before it starts.

This week was a long one. Starting on Wednesday I worked both of my jobs three days in a row. My first job starts at 10 and my second job ends at 10. Neither job is particularly stressful, but it's just a matter of being around people and wearing pants that bothers me. But I got through it, next week's paychecks should be bangin', and I got stuff to do today (stuff I can afford, thanks to all the working).

 I will share this: during yesterday's shift at the restaurant (we've had a very slow week as far as mornings go) someone put a "Kick Me!" sign on our dishwasher's back. Classic prank, right? I'm not sure why but I laughed like a little girl when I saw it. It's the little things that get you through work, am I right? I snapped a creeper picture of the sign, and gave it a weird Instagram filter because, well, bored at work. 

Anyway on to today. After I finish writing this I'm heading off to the library to pick up some books I got ordered. One is a book called Haunted West Virginia by Patty Wilson. I've been getting into West Virginia ghost/monster stories, and for a specific reason that I'm not gonna get into just yet. I'm also picking up an X-men comic and David Sedaris' Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls for when I get too scared or overwhelmed from reading about monsters.

This afternoon we're going to see Catching Fire and I'm really looking forward to it. I enjoyed the Hunger Games book series and the second book is very good so I'm hoping the movie adaption will be a good time. Then later tonight we're going to see Blue/Orange at the Pittsburgh Playwright's Theater, put on by new theater company The Phoenix. I will review both of these things and put them on my other blog, hopefully by tomorrow evening.

And then tonight, I'm unembarrassed to say, I plan on staying in with a bottle of wine and watching Josh Hutcherson host Saturday Night Live (I don't care, I went out last weekend). This combined with seeing Catching Fire is going to make for a very heavy Josh Hutcherson day which is totally fine. In fact let's start it right now.

There ya go: a little Catching Fire preview and some arm appreciation for both sexes. You're welcome.


Eek I don't really have a topic to talk about in full detail. This blog has become a sort of diary for me, sharing my thoughts no matter if they're mundane or interesting. It's also a way for me to force myself to write something, which is not something I'm always in the mood to do. So if you've made it this far, hey thanks for indulging.

I'll tell you about the dreams I just woke up from, because they were pretty weird and scary. I went to bed last night after reading about the Flatwoods Monster so of course it haunted me a little. It's a little hazy, but I recall being home in West Virginia and there were cars full of strangers parked outside (like a family reunion, they seemed friendly but I don't know who they were). Some of the cars were on fire, others had weird bird-like creatures inside scaring the passengers. I grabbed a fire extinguisher and put out someone's car, something I doubt I'd be capable of doing in real life.

I woke up suddenly because I thought THERE WAS A CAT IN MY BED AND THERE SHOULDN'T BE. I haven't lived with a cat in a while now but I swore I felt one jump over me in my sleep. Woke me up and had my heart racing. Stupid imaginary cat. At least I hope it was imaginary, I never did check under the bed.

Alright there, my plans and my dreams. Short and sweet, and now I'm going to abandon my computer for most of the day. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I'll leave you with Josh Hutcherson holding a dog.

Stories, Songs, and an Excess of Cereal

My cereal intake. Why'd I use two bowls? I have no idea.

For the first morning I've had off in a while, I've done a load of laundry and consumed two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It's been a good lazy morning to what was an eventful week.

Last Tuesday my roommate Mara and our friend Gailyn went to The Moth, a storytelling open mic event that I think I've talked about a few times before. This is the first time I've went without putting my name in the hat to tell a story, and it was nice to just sit back and enjoy listening to all the tales. The theme was "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" and we heard stories about traveling and favorite cars that met a heinous demise. The winner was a woman who told us about when she was detained at the airport because her young son had some thumbtacks in his backpack. Next month's theme is "Home" and hopefully I'll have a story to contribute to that one.

Friday saw the opening night of True West at the Pittsburgh Public Theater (which I've reviewed on my other blog, if you're interested). Opening night is always a fun time, mostly because there's a fun after-party we get to attend. Gailyn and my friend Erika came and saw the show and then we all attended the after party. My coworker and friend Jodi had two friends come also, and it's always fun when you combine people together to drink, eat, and laugh (all of which we did a lot of). There's always fun grub at these parties; I was particularly happy to scarf down all the deviled eggs and churros I could find. 

Then last night after work Gailyn and I went to Club Cafe in South Side to see an awesome concert: The Spring Standards and You Won't. I was familiar with The Spring Standards after seeing them on The Mountain Stage, but I'd never heard of You Won't. So imagine my very pleasant surprise when I was totally blown away by their set.

You Won't is two men, Josh Arnoudse and Raky Sastri, who make truly awesome music. Arnoudse plays guitar and sings lead with a high and powerful singing voice, while Sastri harmonizes and plays a variety of instruments ranging from drums, harmonica, xylophone, and the saw. Oh yeah, for at least three songs he played the saw, which is not something you see everyday and really should.

A real highlight was near the end of their set when they had the crowd at Club Cafe (a great intimate venue) form a circle in the middle of the room and shine phone flashlights on their faces while they played acoustically in the center. Sastri played an organ-esque thing that you squeeze a little (I don't know what it's called, I'll look it up later) while Arnoudse sang a beautiful ballad that I'm going to call "Fuck TV" because I don't know what it's name was. But it was fantastic.

Playing the Saw!

Acoustic circle!

Oh yeah, he hopped up on the bar a little too. Fun!

Then the Spring Standards came on and continued the fantastic-ness of the night. The trio hailing from New York City are really amazing performers, each boasting a great singing voice and the ability to play multiple instruments at the same time. They each have beautiful hair that they whip around while they sing, and despite the fact that I was tired at that hour their energy was too infectious to resist. Check them out!

We stayed for their first encore, which involved the acoustic circle and the involvement of You Won't. They sang "So Simple So True" off their double EP "yellow/gold" and it involved so many beautiful voices and, of course, the saw. Unfortunately it also featured the voices of the drunken patrons of Club Cafe who apparently didn't come to appreciate good music, because they kept talking and snickering during the beautiful moment. Some jagoff even whistled in a way to imitate the saw playing. I resisted the urge to beat him up, despite strong desires to do so.

Gailyn and I then high-tailed it out of there, missing whatever else the encore was going to consist of. Not because we weren't enjoying ourselves (we were!) but we had to walk 12 blocks to catch the last bus that would take us home. And if you don't know, South Side on a Saturday night is a shit show. Gailyn and I are both very fast walkers when we want to be and we zoomed through crowds of people. One man was lying on the ground in handcuffs while a crowd looked on, a bunch of college boys were getting into fights, some girls couldn't walk. When I drink I get giggly and sleepy, I can't imagined getting angry and/or arrested. Alcohol isn't for everyone, is it? Anyway, we caught our bus and completed our walk home without issue so it was a successful night.

Aaaand that was my week. I'm about the jump in the shower and go work a shift at the theater. Got a long week coming up, I'm working lots of shifts at both jobs. Which is great, because I like food and things, but I also like excess sleeping so it's little disheartening. But that's okay, I will make it and hopefully have some stories to tell later. Have a good week everyone!

October: Film Festivals, Idiot Girls, and Spock/Leia fanfic.

Whoops, and there went October. Sorry, I tend to get distracted. I mean I'm not busy or anything, sometimes I just wander off and forget what I was doing. There's a strong chance I'll wander off six times while I write this and I'll be impressed if it gets posted.

So...what's new with me? Not a whole lot. Like I said, October came and went. Halloween happened, I'm sure most of you got all dressed up and ran around and what not. This evening I just rolled and cut some homemade noodles that I'm really excited for. I think I'll talk more about noodles closer to Thanksgiving, it'll be more appropriate.

What I did right before writing this blog. In case you want context.

Oooh something that happened in October: I went to the Reel Q Pittsburgh LGBT film festival. Well, okay, I went on the one night I wasn't working that week. But I had a fun time. It was held downtown at the Harris theater and I went on the "Men's short films" night. It showcased seven short films; some were funny, some poignant, and all entertaining. The good thing about short films is that if they're good, great. And if they're shitty well then luckily they'll be over soon. Even the films I didn't enjoy as much I didn't downright hate, so I'd say it was a successful night of shorts.

They give you a scorecard at the festival for the shorts and you get to rate each movie and give them feedback. Here's my list. I'll spare you me reviewing seven films at once and just say that the final two, Summer Vacation and Spooners were my favorites of the night.

Summer Vacation was an Israeli film about a young couple enjoying a beach vacation with their children that gets disrupted when the husband's former/secret lover happens to be staying on the same beach. It was the longest of the short films but was very well-paced. The characters were fully formed and developed as we watched the husband go through some heart-wrenching stuff. It was a very effective short drama.

The cast of Summer Vacation

Spooners, which incidentally won "Best Male Short", was a hilarious story about a man trying to purchase a mattress for him and his husband. The man is uncomfortable about telling the world he is shopping for himself and another man, and unfortunately for him his fears are trudged out in front of everyone at the Ikea-ish furniture store. An overeager salesman shows the man a high-tech talking bed that picks a mattress based on your lifestyle. After learning the man is gay, disco music plays, an audience is drawn, and the computer proceeds to ask questions like "describe your body type as it is listed on you Manhunt profile." A very funny and tender film from beginning to end.

The crowd gathers to watch this gay pick a mattress.

Alright, what else happened in October? Ooh I took a trip to Morgantown last weekend. I have a few highlights from that.

I was going to Morgantown to visit my sister, see a show West Virginia University was putting on, and have a fun weekend off. I took the Megabus down on Friday. It was packed full of college kids, naturally. I brought a book (The Telltale Lilac Bush... for all you WV ghost story fans) to read and some podcasts to listen to for the relatively short trip.

I was going to put the picture of my actual copy, but my computer is being way stupid at this late hour.

But distracting me from my book was the chatter of a trio of college girls a few rows behind me. Now I don't want to shit on my school, because I'm sure all colleges are like this, but HOLY CRAP. College girls can be morons. One girl expressed surprise that there were deer in New Jersey. "Are there deer in South Carolina?" she asked her friend who lived there. "Wait, are there deer like throughout the country?" She eventually googled "Do deer live in all the US?". She read the answer aloud to her friends.

Another girl confessed she didn't know tuna was a fish, like an actual fish that swam in the ocean. I couldn't hear what she did think it was (I assume she thought it was like Spam?) but she was surprised to see how big tuna were. Because how could they fit in that little can? I wanted to scream.

These girls were also upset at how late the Megabus was in getting us there (fact; it was about 15 minutes late, which is acceptable to everyone). I'm not sure why these girls were in a rush to get there, they clearly didn't have a zoology course to get too where they learn that tuna are fish and that deer have legs. The girl next to me couldn't take her fingers out of her fake-black hair for one second. The boy across the aisle held a toothpick in his mouth the entire time. I was relieved to finally get off the bus.

That night we saw WVU's production of Cabaret. I saw a few of my professors there (I was a theater tech major) and it was nice to catch up with them. Judging by the beautiful set that folded in on itself, it seems the tech department still likes to keep its students busy. I won't go into a full-blown review, but Cabaret is one of my favorite shows so I had a good time.

The rest of the trip remains a blur. Overdid my drinking Friday night, like some 24-year old freshman. Shout out to my sister for taking care of me when I wanted to die. Next morning I did my hangover-cure routine before the rest of the house woke up and then we watched Cloud Atlas. It's 3 hours long and it's stupid. Then I hung out with my buddy Jack for a bit and later went to a costume party (I agreed to be the sober driver, it seemed fair). Saw a few kids from high school at said party, which was a nice thing even though I hate crowded house parties. The real highlight of this evening was watching Spock make out hard and heavy with Princess Leia. People took pictures of them and they didn't even notice. Good stuff.

I think that's it. That's the short/sweet version of my October. Ready for November. True West just opened at the Pittsburgh Public Theater. I have a lot of fun things ready to do this week that I'll probably yack about soon. Probably have some good stories too once Thanksgiving rolls around. So yeah, hello again internet. Let's keep in touch.